Royal Treatment

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We all face times when we wish we had an

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extra 8 hours to get things done. Now you do -- with 48up! One dose lets you bypass those normal eight hours of sleep and keeps you alert, steady and focused for up to 48 hours, feeling focused and fresh.
Adverse side effects: nonmalignant brain tumors (.8 percent), neuromuscular impairment (3 percent), loss of short-term memory (6 percent).

"Being a single working mom was a nightmare before I found 48-Up. The kids know when mom’s dosing up, it’s going to be a weekend where we get a lot done!" Lonnie, NYC

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Going up! Life’s stresses won’t get you

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down while you’re going up --with TramWay. One TramWay dose induces a steady pulse of energy and that "anything is possible" feeling with a dash of serenity -- for up to 16 hours! Perfect for those weekends with too much free time. When you’re "tramming" you'll find that life’s great, just the way it should be.
Adverse side effects: visual disturbances (2 percent), lack of motor coordination (7 percent), nosebleeds (4 percent).

"When I’m tramming I’m loving life!" Elias, Helsinki, Finland

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Calm down, kids! And now they will -- with

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great-tasting Zona powder. Add it to their juice, milk, soda -- or to any beverage, even beer and wine! Zona won’t interfere with your child’s ability to do schoolwork. Teachers will thank you for Zona’s results, too!
Adverse side effects: tremors (1 percent), incontinence (3 percent).

"Now the only fighting in my family is over which flavor of Zona to take!" Phillipa, Portland, OR

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Fast acting relief from life's stresses -- no

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wonder it's the world's most popular form of self-medication! One dose of SerenAll offers 16 hours of relief from minor pain and unhappiness -- relieves the pressures of critical thinking without hampering your ability to function on the job or in public.
Adverse side effects: renal damage (2 percent), loss of long-term memory (3 percent), nosebleeds (2 percent).

"Street violence, environmental disasters and family worries used to make me feel so powerless. But with Serenall on my tongue, the frustration and loneliness just melt away!" Tina, Newark, DE

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Supersize that dose -- it's economical and

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fun! Add Boost to your daily dose of any Royal Treatment product to make every dose you take twice as effective and last twice as long.
Adverse side effects: spinal degeneration (1 percent).

"We supply Tramway with Boost to all our employees and have reduced factory accidents by 40%." Miguel, Albuquerque, NM

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When pets misbehave it’s time for KittyCodone.

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Pet-tested and pet-lover-approved -- it's a nap inducer that gives any pet a relaxing rest, fast! Perfect for your pet or for a neighbor’s. Metabolizes quickly with no trace elements.
Adverse side effects: labored breathing (1 percent), muscle spasms (3 percent), bleeding from snout (2 percent).

"No more howling from apartment B!" Troy, Schenectady, NY

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Dear Dr. Err:
I am too scared to talk with my husband about anything, including our sexual problems. But now I wonder if I have a solution with Perk-a-Norm?

P. Brooder, Toronto

Yes, you have!

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Dear Dr. Err:
Imagine having three 13-year-old boys! My triplets are now teens and they are driving me crazy. Can I give them a combination of Zona with Boost daily? I am on a budget but am desperate for peace of mind.

L. Parget, Manila, Philippines

You bet!

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Dear Dr. Err:
Your service people are the best and the discounts on Tramway they offer blow me away. I always get twice as much Tramway as I think I need because I always feel that your company is very concerned with my serenity. Bless you.

J. Flatts, Stockholm

Thank you!

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Dear Dr. Err:
I was so impressed that your company was able to find a treatment for the Blue Flu so soon after it was detected. It almost seems like your researchers are able to predict future plagues before they happen. I am making sure all my family and friends stock up on BluBlock3000!

N. Mege, Paris

Our research department prides itself on knowing precisely what can hurt and help you.

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Accidents and illness happen -- even to the best of us. And when the brain goes, that's it! At Royal Treatment we know how fragile your brain can be, so we provide the finest state-of-the-art brain care to relieve, rehab and rejuvenate your cerebrum, basal ganglia and lobes.
"I went in with migraines and came out calm, tan, and 10 pounds lighter!" K. Kellner, London

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Making You Feel Better is Our #1 Priority
At Royal Treatment we know that if you really thought about your life -- your lack of support, your sense of isolation, your demanding relationships, your diminishing resources, your unstable job, and a host of planetary diseases and environmental disasters -- you’d feel paralyzed and never get out of bed.

That’s why we're here to make you feel better -- all the time.

Think of Royal Treatment as the caring mother you never had, the best friend you can confide in, and the all knowing doctor who truly knows what’s best for you -- even when you don’t. We have simplified your ability to understand your own health. Let us make your medication and health choices for you and you’ll feel better -- faster, around the clock.

We Know What You Need 24/7

No one can match our researchers and physicians for caring and impeccable science. While other drug companies may claim to offer the drugs you need, we at Royal Treatment have decades of drug management experience that can’t be compared to any of our competitors. Our extensive testing and experiments on animal and human subjects has been described by some medical ethicists as "legendary" around the world.

We Know You Better Than You Think

Our team of service people is dedicated to making your every experience with us a calming one. Royal Treatment knows you better than anyone. Our extensive files on your every purchase helps us know your lifestyle, your wants, your needs and your taste in film.

Royal Treatment knows everything we need to about your health and habits. We are committed to your patient privacy and security. All the personal information gathered on you (and your family, employers, neighbors and shopkeepers) by Royal Treatment is legally protected under doctor-patient privilege and stored, reviewed, scrutinized, filed and updated constantly.

We Give You The Dose You Want, When You Want It

The Royal Treatment physicians are here to assist you -- around the clock and around the world. We support the dosage you want and more -- when you want it.

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